Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
