I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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