guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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