Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
