i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
