I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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