I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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