My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
