She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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