Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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