dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize