So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
