Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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