I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
