Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
