Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
