just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
