you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She announced her abortion via fbk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
