Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
