go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
