I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize