I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
