he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
