SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
