there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
