He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize