Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
