I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
