we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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