The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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