Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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