Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
