Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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