maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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