And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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