I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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