My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
