dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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