So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
