you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
