FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
not ubering you a puppy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
