I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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