yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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