Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize