Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
