what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
