Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
