Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
