So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
