I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
