gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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