first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
