he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who died my cat blue again?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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