I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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