you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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