Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Two words: blizzard sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
