Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
