Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
