I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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