I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
