I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My breasts were aching with rage.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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