I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
