she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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