he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
