I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
