I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize