May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
