According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
