You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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