Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
not ubering you a puppy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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