considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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