i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
