i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
