you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
